Sometimes I ask ‘what is all this worth? Why do I try, why do I even bother?’ The message falls on deaf ears, the hours wasted as they would rather be somewhere else, engagement lacking. Instead of conversations and respectful debates, the sound of one sided monologues of ‘my tactic is better than your tactic’ divide us further when we should be learning from one another. There are other skills I possess, other trades for which I can ‘make a living.’ Then as I gaze around the group of Firefighters congregated for a post-incident brief, I see four men who I would follow to certain perdition, and they I, it is not about making a living it is about making a life!
Through the years I have always stayed in touch whenever we lose one of brethren. This time it hit close to home. It was close, it was real, I was there. Although not directly involved in the situation, myself and another Firefighter from my department were there with our tanker. It was surreal, indescribable, when we first heard the event unfold.
Since then I have reflected, questioned, and analyzed my motives for being in the Fire Service. I called my dad to talk, I talked to friends, Firefighters, and brothers. To add more turmoil to the day a close friend, co-worker, and brother Firefighter lost his father the same day. Something inside me brewed, deep, down, and dark. Life is so very fragile, so very short, nothing can be taken for granted.
Then the answer I was looking for came during a short and casual conversation, “can we train Saturday?” At my part-paid department our Cadet program allows for High School students to train as Firefighters, earn credit, and they do this for free. Our one Cadet asks the most important question, he said 3 words that bring such solace to my ears, CAN WE TRAIN? All the questions, all the doubts, all the apathy washed away from such a monotonous statement. A young man, just 17, understands what this profession is about and he already gives so much to it.
Why do we do what we do? Why do we continue on this mission? Why are we so passionate about this trade that we take every statement that may possibly contradict what we do, so personally? The passion, the drive, the honor we feel are not simple words, but complex feelings that no one until they have seen what we have seen, been where we have been, and experienced what we have experienced will ever feel. Some feel the brotherhood is a right they deserve when they enter our doors the first time. Many feel the brotherhood is lost to the bickering found on social media. Brotherhood. A word that I have heard since a very young age from my father and grandfather. No one definition exist and it is not something that just happens. The brotherhood isn’t something you find, it is something that finds, and defines you! When you need it, when you truly need it, the brotherhood will find you. We will remember our fallen and we will always keep the faith.